Beth Stelling, a Los Angeles-based comedienne, went public with her story of domestic abuse late last year.
Stelling has been featured on TV shows Conan, Jimmy Kimmel Live, @Midnight and Modern Comedian, all the while staying silent about her struggles with her (now ex) boyfriend.
Silence and comedy mix about as well as oil and water. So when Beth broke her silence, the comedy community was ready to talk. While many people have been supportive of Beth, not all have been. Comments on her post claimed she was making false accusations and others were critical of her decision to stay with her boyfriend and not press charges.
.@BethStelling is one of the first comics I worked alongside. I am in awe of her success & her bravery. https://t.co/NoJtmOQisq
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) December 29, 2015
“What needs to change are the men more concerned with the chance of one man being falsely accused than they are with several women being hurt,” says New York City comedienne, Marcia Belsky. “I think then more women would feel comfortable coming out against abusers knowing they would be supported instead of doubted and shunned,” she added.
For many women in the comedy community, Stelling’s story struck a chord. While some questioned her decision to stay with her abuser, comedienne Chrissie Mayr found parallels between Stelling’s relationship and her own with another New York City comedian.
“It’s like the frog who is slowly being boiled in a pot of water, you don’t feel how bad it is. You’re so in love that the highs make you overlook the lows. We had so many fights that when he finally did lay a hand me, I made so many excuses for him. I even continued to date him for 9 more months, so reading Beth’s post made me feel less stupid that I too, had continued to date someone who abused me.” -Chrissie Mayr
With an estimated one in three women experiencing domestic abuse in the United States, it comes as little wonder women in comedy are also victims of abuse. However, it’s a topic rarely addressed by female comedians. Comedienne Carolyn Castiglia offered this explanation for silence: “We like to think that successful people aren’t susceptible to abuse and we foolishly believe that being vulnerable means we’re not strong, and therefore we’ll never be successful.”
This makes me feel many things but chief among them is that @BethStelling is awesome & I’m happy we are friends. https://t.co/FJkvWxmLPm — Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) December 28, 2015
On December 30, 2015, Cale Hartmann, Stelling’s alleged attacker, took to Facebook to defend himself in a public post, saying: “I was incredibly hurt to see my ex-girlfriend had made public accusations across all of her social media platforms that tell a story so far beyond the truth. The severity of her accusations are false and extremely harmful.” Unfortunately for Hartmann, there aren’t many comedians on his side.
As a guy who suffered too much of Cale Hartmann’s evil bullshit for one lifetime, it is a distinct relief to see him bounced out of comedy.
— James Adomian (@JAdomian) December 29, 2015
While Hartmann is entitled to defend himself, this may very well lead to a sea change in the comedy community. Rebecca Trent, owner of comedy club Creek and the Cave, says: “I’m sick of the stories I’m hearing from women in my community. I’m sick of hearing that girls can’t get booked if they don’t flirt or go out with the hosts. I’m sick of watching gross sexual predators try to hit on women in my space. I don’t want scumbags here.
“My calendar is going to change. I’m getting them out of my life. We deserve better and I can’t be a (self-appointed) warrior for this community unless I know I’m fighting for the good guys.”