Ronda Rousey Says She Contemplated Suicide After Loss to Holly Holm

This past November, in a highly-anticipated UFC match-up between superstar fighter Ronda Rousey and Holly Holm, the reigning bantamweight champion Rousey was wildly upset by Holm thanks to a violent kick to the head, which left Rousey bloodied and defeated on the floor of the ring, and the sports world in utter shock.

In the immediate aftermath, Rousey shied away from public appearances, but when TMZ finally caught up with her as she left an airport, she did her best to shield her face from all camera lens, and was visibly uncomfortable with the heightened attention. In a recent interview with Ellen Degeneres, Rousey admitted that not only was she uncomfortable, but she contemplated suicide. Here’s an excerpt from their conversation, as per Bleacher Report.

I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself and that exact second I’m like ‘I’m nothing, what do I do anymore and no one gives a s–t about me anymore without this.’ … To be honest I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.

She also dived deeper into what was going through her head as Holm landed the devastating blows that proved to be Rousey’s demise. “In that first hit I cut open my whole mouth and I knocked my teeth loose. I knew she was out there, but like I really don’t remember most of it. So I was trying my best to kind of hide the fact that I wasn’t even there anymore.”

Though UFC disallowed a rematch between the two fighters late last year, Rousey is looking to return to the ring when she’s ready in 2016.