On last night’s Love & Hip Hop New York Season 6 reunion show, Remy Ma found herself once again at the center of a season-long feud between her good friend Rashidah Ali and her fairly-new friend Yandy Smith.  Once all the back and forth came to an end, Rah Ali ultimately concluded (with help from Reunion Show host Nina Parker) that her real problem with Yandy was her alleged tendency to “throw stones and hide her hands.” In other words, Rah feels Yandy often pretends to be oblivious to conflict to avoid looking like the bad guy or owning her part in any misunderstandings. Despite the mounting tension between her two friends, Remy managed to keep a level head, keep her composure and give her honest opinion on the situation without jeopardizing either friendship.

If you ever find yourself in this predicament, it can get difficult to tell whether or not you’re doing more to harm the situation than to help bring a resolve. Here are 4 signs that you may be becoming part of the problem rather than helping push towards a solution.

You Allow One Friend To Constantly Vent About The Other
Being a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on when two of your friends are at odds doesn’t make you a bad friend, but if you find yourself constantly discussing the situation and trading negative opinions without encouraging them to find a resolve, you are likely in the wrong.  While it’s certainly not your responsibility to ensure that these two work out their differences, it’s also not in the best interest of yourself or either friend to have them think that they can forever come to you with negative gossip about the other. If you notice either friend becoming too comfortable with bad mouthing the other around you and you still consider both of them friends, be sure to make it clear early on that you won’t be a pawn in continuing their feud.

You Remain Neutral
Not many friendships are able to withstand the test of time without a fairly high degree of loyalty on the part of both people involved, but when you add in a third party and end up in between two friends who can’t see eye to eye, speaking up about which characteristics of each person are contributing to the problem is vital.  Attempting to remain neutral in the feud rather than being honest about your observations of both friends will inevitably do more harm than good, so don’t shy away from making a truthful assessment should the time come.

You Try To Rebuild Their Friendship
Wanting to salvage your friendship with either party involved in the feud when you have nothing to do with the reason for their inability to get along is natural, but trying to force or rebuild a friendship between the two of them shouldn’t be part of that process.  Not all resolve ends in amends and sometimes moving forward means letting go without forcing a fix to what was broken.  Although you may still be able to be friends with each of them individually, depending on the root of their disagreement, they may be better off leaving their broken friendship in the past.

You Become Dishonest About Your Feelings Towards Either Friend
Agreeing with one friend during one conversation and another during another conversation in an attempt to make the situation more comfortable for yourself is a tempting option, but it will almost always end in disaster. Given that you’re still friends with both parties involved, there will likely come a time when your stance will come into question with both of them present and nothing crushes friendships quicker than finding out the friend you thought you had in your corner was actually just pandering to you all along in an effort to make things peaceful for themselves.  In other words, be honest and make sure that whatever you tell them separately matches up with what you’d say should you find yourself in a setting where all three of you are present.