Ever since news broke of Mac Miller’s untimely death due to a drug overdose, his ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande became the center of many conversations.

Hours after his passing, the singer was forced to disable her Instagram comments to protect herself from trolls who were blaming her for his death. Two days later, she shared a black and white, captionless photo of the late rapper.

Over the weekend, she shared a warming video that was recorded when they were dating with a heartfelt caption. “i adored you from the day i met you when i was nineteen and i always will. i can’t believe you aren’t here anymore. i really can’t wrap my head around it. we talked about this. so many times. i’m so mad, i’m so sad i don’t know what to do. you were my dearest friend. for so long. above anything else. i’m so sorry i couldn’t fix or take your pain away. i really wanted to. the kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved. i hope you’re okay now. rest.”

She also shared screenshots on her Instagram story that showed that she was listening to “Dunno” and “Ladders” from his latest project, Swimming, which fans suspected was about her.

Last night the Emmy Awards went down in Los Angeles. Ariana Grande and her fiancé Pete Davidson were supposed to make their first public appearance since Mac’s death, but they were both no-shows.

The singer’s camp announced that she will be taking a break from the limelight to “mend and heal” from the events of the past year, including the terrorist attack in Manchester during her concert in 2017 which gave her anxiety and PTSD.