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jose-canseco-rape-caseYou know it’s the end of days when Jose Canseco (@josecanseco) goes on a rant via Twitter and doesn’t sound like he’s had one too many.

It was announced earlier in the year and reiterated by Commissioner Bud Selig that he would retire following the commencement of the 2014 season, more specifically on January 2015. But lets be honest, who better than “Juiced” author Jose Canseco to give his plans for what should happen following Bud’s retirement.

He takes a page from President Barack Obama’s book and calls his plan CansecoCare. Peep the ones about boobs and being 100% humans, could be  shots at Alex Rodriguez.

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Below are his “first 10 CansecoCare” plans.

-Randolph-Ricardo Cárdenas

1. Stop Drug testing, but ban players with moobies. (man-boobs) 

2. Use imminent domain and seize all teams from owner and give to cities. Profits to local youth sports.

3. Get rid of the DH.

3. Juice the ball. (In true Whiskey fashion he also numbered this plan as number 3)

4. All umpires must be ex players.

5. Move MLB offices to Las Vegas. (Enough said)

6. Limit MLB players to 100% humans.

7. Kids under 12 get into all games FREE.

8. No penalties for fighting if its only two guys.

9. No extra innings, home run derby settles ties.

10. VHS demolition night at Astrodome before it’s torn down.

He went on to say Commissioner Selig did more steroids than the invention of the needle, but that’s a whole other story.

Let’s wrap up by saying some of his ideas aren’t too far fetched.