It seems Kobe Bryant has been basking in his glory days after retirement from his 20-yr NBA career. Kobe has obviously been able to spend more time with his family (who are actually expecting a new addition soon) but it’s possible to assume not all of Kobe’s family ties are in tact.
More recently, Bryant wrote a letter to his 17 year old self for The Player’s Tribune infamous “Letter to My Younger Self” column. In this letter, Kobe expressed his struggles with gaining the success most people dream about and actually being able to take care of all his family and friends. On the contrary, Bryant explained how he regrets the way in which he chose to lift the burdens of his family and friends by taking care of them altogether. If he could go back and change things he would invest in their own futures rather than relieve them of the need to still pursue their own passions and dreams.
Kobe Bryant wrote the following:
Dear 17-year-old self,
When your Laker dream comes true tomorrow, you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. This sounds simple, and you may think it’s a no-brainer, but take some time to think on it further.
I said INVEST.
I did not say GIVE.
Let me explain.
Purely giving material things to your siblings and friends may appear to be the right decision. You love them, and they were always there for you growing up, so it’s only right that they should share in your success and all that comes with it. So you buy them a car, a big house, pay all of their bills. You want them to live a beautiful, comfortable life, right?
But the day will come when you realize that as much as you believed you were doing the right thing, you were actually holding them back.
You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good, it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world — and that was extremely selfish of you. While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.
Understand that you are about to be the leader of the family, and this involves making tough choices, even if your siblings and friends do not understand them at the time.
Invest in their future, don’t just give.
Use your success, wealth and influence to put them in the best position to realize their own dreams and find their true purpose. Put them through school, set them up with job interviews and help them become leaders in their own right. Hold them to the same level of hard work and dedication that it took for you to get to where you are now, and where you will eventually go.
I’m writing you now so that you can begin this process immediately, and so that you don’t have to deal with the hurt and struggle of weaning them off of the addiction that you facilitated. That addiction only leads to anger, resentment and jealousy from everybody involved, including yourself.
As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.
There’s plenty more I could write to you, but at 17, I know you don’t have the attention span to sit through 2,000 words.
The next time I write to you, I may touch on the challenges of mixing blood with business. The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.
Before you sign that first contract, figure out the right budget for your parents — one that will allow them to live beautifully while also growing your business and setting people up for long-term success. That way, your children’s kids and their kids will be able to invest in their own futures when the time comes.
Your life is about to change, and things are about to come at you very fast. But just let this sink in a bit when you lay down at night after another nine-hour training day.
Trust me, setting things up right from the beginning will avoid a ton of tears and heartache, some of which remains to this day.