Kim Kardashian, a mother of four, is opening up about her adopted role of a single mother following her split with Ye. Appearing on the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty, Kim K dived into being a mother to North, 9, Saint, 7, Chicago, 5, and Psalm, 4.

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Kardashian noted parenting is “madness” but “the best chaos though.” Adding the toughest time was when her children were babies, and she was feeding.

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“Parenting is the thing that has taught me the most about myself,” Kardashian said. “There are nights I cry myself to sleep. Like, holy shit, this fucking tornado in my house. What just happened?

“With all the moods and the personalities and sometimes they’re fighting. There’s no one there.”

Later she described parenting as “really fucking hard.”

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“It is the most rewarding job in the entire world,” Kardashian said. “It is. There is nothing that can prepare you. I don’t care how long you wait. I don’t care what you’re waiting for. You are never prepared.”

You can hear a clip below.